trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
