Apparently you make a good broom.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
