I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
