why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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