Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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