i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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