I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
