Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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