he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
