fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
