i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
