i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
