i will never coherently bang her
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
