i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
