Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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