Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
