I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
