Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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