haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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