U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
