I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
