i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
