they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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