Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
