Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
