In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
