I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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