GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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