You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
