After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
