i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
