can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Are my feet made of real feet?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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