Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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