just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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