history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
