I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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