It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
