Banned from zoo.
Again?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
