Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
