You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
