Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
pop tarts are not kleenex
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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