im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
