So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
