So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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