the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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