glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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