with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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