i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
