The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
