In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
