Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I enjoy the company of your penis
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
