Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
