He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
